early season


<img src="http://www.rugbyrefs.com/flags/england.p
DAIRY OF A B52 REF, aged 39 3/4 (forever) with apologies to Sue Townsend.
Season 2011/12 ;
Summer Training blighted by double hernia op. (only went in for one but seems it was buyonegetonefree day at local hospital.) Resisted some really nice invites to RWC12 (including joboffer after my 2007 videoarbitre duties) but they keep coming so book warm weather training in caribbean with WWI (wickedwitchindoors) so have decent excuse to decline.
Slow start to seaon while in rehab so advise/coach a bit, drink too much
WEEK 3 -first game low level merit out in the depths of Essex. all fairly easy even though unfit.
Training- 3 x cardios sehs, 2 pilates , 1 Zumba (you big girlsblouse-ed.) Regional training.
WEEK 4- Again sent to darkest Essex (have i pissed off appointments somehow?) - suppossed to bea derby punch-up but all remarkably well behaved, Top captains cards.
Training- 2x cardio, 1 rugbyclub, 1 personal pilates (with v.comely saffer trainer who wants to be my guest to rugbydos- happy days) Cenntral meet with thelittleirishgobshite (j.p) himself- good stuff on management/staying calm.
WEEK 5 Swap miles away (ESSEX AGAIN!) game for one 3 levels lower but close to home. Lovely day on hackney marshes with Old Streetonians plush new facilities courtesy of the Olympics. Major party -am quaffing beer/champers with oldmate sarries player thinking he has big premiership ame next day (whereas i have 7s tourney)so i'll stop when he does. Gone midnight he announces "am only on bench tomorrow so have been trying to keep up with you but am calling it a night!) Next day Lawsoc 7s at Richmond- serious fun as always and lots of young keen refs around to do the serious running. Party with the Dublin contingent and one of our most luscious ladyrefs till far too late.
Training- 2x cardio, 1 pilates, 1 zumba. Alcohol Units -High.
WEEK 6. -Midweek -top herts school aginst visiting argies - highly competitive stuff -far too much quick ball. Homers sneak it. (much to relief of master i/c who was my no.9 in our unbeaten schoolside. (eons ago-ed.))
Then DISASTER- horrible trainingg injury - broken elbow (o.k. i fell running for a bus)
Have to postpone carib jolly and it happened day after turned down my last RWC invite (highly organised jaunt with american funloving ladyrefs) !! Also miss reffing inter island international.
Lots of RWC watching (was in bar full of welshman with welsh godson for "that" tackle - godson helpfully points me out as "irish ref who refs in france as well" so lots of earache.)
Eventually make it to st.lucia where i normally run around doing 6-7 hrs training a day but confined to bar, hiking, swimming, bit of one armed pilates, aqua aerobics, poolvolley ball and zumba (so funny it was filmed for ITV "This Morning" programme which fortunately nobdy watches (as i kept reminding the presenters)
Alcohol Units- far too high but rum doesn't count apparently and 5 banana daqs is just my 5 a day.
WEEK 12 - Back in action (registrar unhappy but consultant sanguine - "just don't get knocked over for a couple more weeks").2x Lady students cup games - both onesided but gentle stressless return
Training- 2 gentle cardio, physio, pilates , regional meet. Captains cards average now 3.9 out of 4 (methinks time to stop handing them out for the season)
Still not matchfit so reluctantly decide to decline Dubai 7s in 2 weeks as don't want to amke an arse of myself (why worry now-ed) WWI suggests we go as VIP's as she is bigcheese in bigbank who sponsors the series but am a rubbish spectator so will concentrate on fitness for vegas/hongkong/amsterdam. Also don't want to get roped in "minding" the childrefs London send out to it ( from our "academy" aka "the orphanage" as it is full of little *******s.)